Audrey Beatrix: Storm

We spent today with some of Audrey's favourite people - Aunty Katy and Uncle David, Hurley the dog and Jasper the cat. Also bunnies. And fish. Okay, I'm beginning to see why Aunty Katy and Uncle David are such favourite people!

Audrey loves animals. I'm not sure if this is something she's learned just by being around them so much, or if it's actually embedded in her genes and inherited from me, but she cannot get enough of them. She talks about them in her sleep. She strokes them so gently, and wants to pick them up and hold them close, and cries so passionately when they go away.

It's a big feeling, when they hop or crawl or bounce or are lifted away from her. It's loss and rejection - real and important feelings that I try to respect and give her space for. Sometimes I compare to my feelings and it's tempting to say that my losses, my sadness, my rejections are more important or more valid than hers. But then I'm sure that compared to many other people, the sad times in my life are tiny and inconsequential. I don't think feelings can really be measured like that. This is important to Audrey, just like my feelings are important to me and the people who love me no matter what causes them.

So how do we deal with these big feelings that Audrey's going through? How do we help her? Well, first of all we try to start from a place of wanting to help her process her feelings and then move on from them in her own time, instead of trying simply to manage her outward behaviour to make it more palatable to us.

We empathise with her. "You're feeling so sad. You really wanted to hold the bunny for longer! You feel sad and angry that it's gone."

We try to let her cry and be sad (I struggle so much with this! I hate to hear her cry!), we give her lots of hugs and we don't judge or tell her off for feeling sad, we try our best to listen to what she's communicating, and we offer distractions - "The bunny doesn't want to play right now, how about we go look at the fish instead?"

It's tough, and it's only going to get tougher as she gets older - her needs and wants more complex, distractions less effective. One of the best things I think we can do is simply to say YES more often, whenever we can in fact, so that she knows that our NO is authentic and that we respect her priorities as much as our own. No one person is The Boss in our family, it's about compromise rather than doing what I say because I'm bigger than you. And then, when there has to be a No, meaning that completely and honestly, and sticking by it.

But how will she learn that she can't always do what she wants in life??? Well, I think there are enough nos in life that I don't need to manufacture unnecessary ones in order to teach Audrey a lesson about the world. She'll learn about the world by living in it.

Today we had barbecues in the gaps between the rain, and played outside in the garden. We had lots of hugs from Aunties and Uncles, lots of climbing up and down patio steps and quacking at stone ducks. Audrey got into the bunny's cage and said hello, she played with a dog and a cat (sometimes at the same time!) and tried to eat half a sausage in one big bite.