Bunches of Bunches

In case you hadn't guessed, this is a gratuitous isn't-she-cute post.

Okay, I know this is pic overload. I couldn't choose my favourites! Seriously. ISN'T SHE CUTE!

How is this little girl my daughter? Where did baby go? It seems like a moment ago we brought her home from hospital, all happy-tired and nervous. Now? Big girl in bunches.

So nearly crawling now, too. Watch this space!

Cling

Audrey has been really poorly the past few days with a nasty virus, so we've been spending most of our time resting and trying to persuade her to keep nursing, and sitting in steamy bathrooms that smell like olbas oil and baby vapour rub.

It was pretty scary yesterday when I woke up to her lying beside me all ghostly pale and floppy, unable to even lift her head up. Her eyes looked like they'd been punched, they were vivid purple and bruised looking. We went back in to the doctor, who said to continue with lots of steam and trying to nurse as often as possible, although by that point she'd been refusing food and drink for the best part of a day and a night. A horrible, helpless feeling when she stared at me, pleading with her eyes that I make it all better. We gave her calpol by syringe because she couldn't swallow it off a spoon, and hoped that it would help.

Today has marked a big improvement, though. She's still coughing, still not breathing great, but she's eating and she's a lot stronger and happier in herself. Better enough for some photos!

Even though it's been tough looking after her while she's sick (especially considering I've been sick with it myself!) I'm still loving being her mum. Here are some other things I'm loving lately:

Little red stripey socks.

Little brave smiles.

How much she loves animals, and how she's not afraid of any of them!

Last week we visited our friends Marie and Andy, who foster some of the shelter's long-term resident rabbits who have special health needs. They have a lovely dog called Katy, who Audrey loves a LOT.

And she absolutely dotes on our cats, even when she's sick.

One of the main things I'm loving lately is how she's learned how to hug. She's been so clingy throughout this illness, and she's started stretching her arms out whenever I'm close by for cuddles, and pulling herself up into my arms once I'm near enough. "Mama Mama," she says, in her little scratchy voice, and buries her face in my  neck.

Get well soon, Audrey Bea.

Balancing

I'm a mum - but I'm also a friend, an animal shelter manager, a knitter, a writer, a sister/daughter/grandaughter, a pet owner, a wife, a human being in my own right. It's very hard to balance these things, to give each what it needs to survive, let alone flourish. The only time I get to do housework is when Audrey is asleep, but when she's asleep the last thing I want to be doing is banging about hoovering and making a noise. The only time I get to write is late at night when she's down for the night, but I'm so tired that I just fall asleep over my laptop. The only time I get to go in to the shelter is on the weekends when Ian is here to look after Audrey - and then I feel guilty for not spending more time with my family when we finally have time together. Or not doing the housework when I have time with Ian minding her.

And on those rare occasions when I have time to myself, or when Audrey is sleeping well and Ian's here and it's just the two of us, then I think: I could be writing. I've not written anything in months, and it's part of who I am. I could be knitting. I could be listening to music that's not My Little Pony. I should be cleaning. I should be working on the shelter website. I've not seen this or that friend in weeks - I'm losing touch with people I love.

Then I beat myself up for being too tired in the morning to go out for a walk with baby, because she's bored and she loves to see the leaves falling down from the trees, and there's only a few days of that left. I should have gone to bed earlier.

There's no clear answer. But for now, consciously or not, I'm prioritising motherhood. She'll only be small for such a short time, and I want to be really present for as much of it as I can.

People are the most important thing. So I try to give my friends as close to 100% of my attention as I can when they're here, and when we're invited out for an adventure we say YES and off I go, sitting side by side with my daughter on the bus. I try not to think about piles of laundry or fundraisers or vet bills, and stay in the Here. Now. Yes. We're off.

Friends, family and wool

We're well into Autumn now, and I remember this time last year and how sick I was, how even walking to the supermarket was too difficult to manage alone and would leave me faint and dizzy and so, so nauseous. This year everything seems so much brighter and better than it ever has before. Like being in love, being a mother makes the whole world seem that bit more beautiful. It might sound silly, but it's true. I often get down at this time of year with the long, dark winter ahead, but this year I'm really enjoying the changing leaves, the fall foods, hunkering down in our cosy wee house with my family.

Speaking of fall foods, the baby led weaning is still going very well indeed. I love this time of year for root vegetables - pumpkins and squash and sweet potato, chunky stews and warming soups. It's great fun to share that with Audrey - here she is chomping her way through some sweet potato, carrot and lentil stew.

Walks are fun, and I love the awesome hand knitted clothes we can wear now the weather is getting chilly. I've been working on my knitting again lately, making Audrey a thick, cabled woolly jumper for the winter out of some yummy sheep's wool from Bedfordshire that my dad and his fiancee got for me. So we're all wrapped up for our windswept walks.

 We went out for a walk with Aunty Katy the other day and her dog Hurley. Audrey is fascinated by dogs, and kept craning for a look at him as we walked through the park and to the playground.

 At the playground we went on the swings and the slide, and it was another of those oh-my-goodness-I'm-really-a-mum sort of moments.

Continuing with the theme of visiting friends, my good friend Kat came to visit last weekend and met Audrey for the first time. Kat was a bridesmaid at our wedding, so it was especially lovely to see her and Audrey meeting at last. And Audrey just loved her.

My friends mean a great deal to me, and seeing how much they love Audrey makes me so glad, so content. Plus, spending the weekend with one of the funnest people I know is always awesome.

It seems Audrey agrees!

Oh Audrey Bea. You're so much fun, you know that?