Freely

On Wednesday we went to a book party at Audrey's friend Oliver's house. It was great fun to see everyone, and we ordered a book for Audrey for when she's a bit bigger. Audrey was a little bit shy at first, but soon started playing with the other babies.

Once she started playing she was off!

As I said before, it's so wonderful to see her interacting with other children. Even if she does seem to treat them like the most awesomest toys ever instead of other people!

Oh Audrey. She's such a joy to hang out with, and standing so well. Every day now there are odd moments when she'll let go of whatever she's holding on to and just stand freely for a few seconds.

She's amazing.

If you're happy and you know it

She sticks her tongue out at me and waggles it from side to side, waiting for me to copy her. When I do, she collapses in a fit of giggles, then does it again.

She's moving so fast now - crawling everywhere, pulling herself up to standing, climbing the stairs. Last night she slowly wobbled to her feet without support and stood there for a few seconds as if suspended, before toppling and sitting down hard again. With so much movement come more frequent knocks and bruises. She falls down bump and her eyes fill with tears, she lifts her hands up to me, "mama mama". I lift her and she clings to me, burrow her face into my chest, wrap her arms around my shoulders. At those moments I realise I am not the same person as I was a year ago. Something inside me is stronger, purer, brighter, hers.

It's impossible to look at that picture and not want to kiss those cheeks.

We went for a spur of the moment trip into Ian's work the other day, to meet him before he headed home and say hi to his work colleagues.

Although a little bit overwhelmed at the New Place! New People! She was overjoyed to see Dada, and kind of totally surprised as well. Because on week days we normally don't see Dada until just before bed time, at home! And then we went on an adventure, as we do, and DADA WAS THERE!

She kept pointing him out to me. "Check out this guy. IT'S THE GUY FROM OUR HOUSE."

She loves travelling on the bus, it's her favourite kind of adventure. She stares at the people sat behind us, and chatters away at them, reaching out from time to time to hold their hands.

Having been a somewhat socially awkward child myself, it's so heartwarming to see how outgoing and friendly she is with other people.

We've been going on lots of outings and trips lately, as little Miss has way too much energy to sit around at home. She loves to visit the playground next to our house, especially if there are bigger children playing that she can point and laugh at.

The swings are her favourite. Then the slide. Then the big round thing that she lies in the middle of while I spin her (slowly) round and round while she giggles.

Oh Audrey. Never stop being adventurous, brave, gorgeous, remarkable, you.

Mini-Break with the Mini-Bea

Time runs away from me lately. So many things to do and places to be!

We spent the weekend down in England at my sister Holly's house. It was frantic and stressful and tough, and so, so very good to see family.

Holly and her partner Sam have recently bought, done up and moved into a house together. I'm so impressed by all the work they've done and how great the place looks, and proud of my little sis for owning her own place at the ripe old age of 22. Her and Sam were fantastic hosts and we felt so much love and warmth staying in their home with them (plus their new puppy Murphy - Audrey ADORED him!).

We met up with my grandparents, my aunt and uncle, and my two cousins Sophie and Amy, as well as my other sister Kate. We were all together to go to my dad's annual pantomime that he writes and puts on in his village. A really wonderful, hilarious experience.

Yes, my little cousin Sophie isn't so little any more and is actually now taller than me. We all knew this day would come!

Although there were difficult times, delayed trains, sad news, broken heaters... it was a wonderful weekend thanks to the wonderful people involved.

Hiatus

I've been so ill the past fortnight with a nasty cough that lingered and lingered, so I've been neglecting the Audrey blog dreadfully.

Being sick and looking after Audrey at the same time is tough - really tough. You're already at 100%, there's nothing more to give, and then you get ill and all of a sudden you're being pushed beyond your limits. Something has to give, and that something is usually sleep, and food, and rest - the very things that are important for getting well again!

Then when you finally feel better, you're overwhelmed with how behind you are with things.

We've had a busy couple of weeks despite the illness. We went out to Gavia with Aunty Katy and Uncle David, to see Nana and Grandad.

Showing off her pointing skills with Grandad Pop.

We've also had lots of friends round for our annual Fake Christmas celebration - where a group of us gather together for a not-really-Christmas dinner. Our friends Cori and Kat spent the whole weekend, and it has been so wonderful to see them and spend time with them.

The friends that were with us this weekend are like family. At the last Fake Christmas I was quite heavily pregnant, and this year Audrey was crawling about saying hi to everyone. Sometimes it's hard to believe that she's the one that was in that bump for all those months.

Today we're all on our own again, and we spent the morning playing around in the nursery, and cuddled up on the sofa feeding each other rice cakes. She has this sweet little giggle whenever she shares her food with me, holds it up to my mouth and tries to hold back a grin until I take a bite and she laughs and laughs.

I love her so much. I feel like it shouts out of me every moment I'm with her - IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. I've waited for this all my life, and I'm still struck by it every time I get to say "my daughter" - every time I think of myself as a mum. When she reaches out to me, when she hugs me and tucks her face into the space between my neck and my shoulder, the way she looks when she's out of breath from laughing, the way she rubs her eyes when she's tired, the shy smile she has for strangers and the free and uninhibited way she dances and dances and dances.

I can't believe that something so perfect came from me.

Happy first Fake Christmas, Audrey Bea! Stay gorgeous!